Reputation

Its a waste, if you spend all four of your high school years trying to impress people, you're doing it wrong. Being the “funny” one with the sexist, racist, homophobic and rude jokes…trust me, people will hate it after awhile, find something thats funny and not hurtful to say. The “messenger” common, stop wasting your time spreading other peoples information and learn to be loyal, oh and focus on yourself. The people pleaser… just don’t go into high school trying to please everyone, that won't do you anygood. My advice, stop conforming. Be comfortable with your own opinion, stand up for what you like and don't be afraid to be an individual. If you're just trying to be friends with that one group of popular people you're doing it wrong. Four years down the road you wont have any real friends and all you'll have is repetitive conversations about how sick that party was and what she's wearing and who he's screwing. Focus on you, develop a personality that makes people want to approach you. Go out there and get what you want, be ambitious. Who cares what they're gonna say cause I promise you they will want to be where you are. 

xx

I needed to get it off my chest

“ I wont hate myself to be loved by you “ ( Johnny Falls - Hedley)

Never should you feel miserable in a relationship. Never, should whomever you're involved with make you feel unworthy, unloved, disrespected, sad, unwanted or unimportant. You should never feel like you have to suppress yourself, you're thoughts and or your opinions. If you feel as though you cannot trust the person you're with well then something needs to change. If while reading those you can relate to current situation, just a heads up you are in an unhealthy relationship. No matter how much you love or loved someone, when something is so wrong you can feel it in your bones you have to leave, its not real love. Its not a lasting, healthy, bonding love. 

RUN. 

Dear anyone in an unhealthy/abusive relationship, although you may feel as though you are not in control, remember it is your life, you can always be in control. They don’t change, whoever is hurting you, the anger turns to embers. Whether it be physical, emotional, verbal or all of those, none of that is acceptable. You deserve to be loved, and someone who loves you will never intentionally or repetitively hurt you like that. Those embers will suddenly turn to flames. Flames of anger that engulf you, that weaken you, that scar. 

Remember, you are not their therapist or caregiver, you are not their parent. Sometimes people need professional help, you cannot help them, it will only break you. When you feel out of control and/or isolated just remember, talking it people about it helps you. The more you let it out, the more confidence you will build to walk away for good, develop support. You need to think about yourself, not the other person, you cannot keep getting hurt. You have the choice to disappear. 

Call for help, leave, block all contact with whomever, and move on. Heal and rebuild your confidence. You will not miss it. As much as it will hurt, think of it as a drug addict going through a withdrawal. The first part will be tempting, going back to the routine, but once you are past it, you will be better off. You will start finding such wonderful people, and start growing as a person. 

Never feel like you are trapped, even if you think it is permanent, it doesn't have to be. 

I promise.

Feel free to contact any of us FreeBirds. Were always here. 

xo Madeline

Giving to the Greedy - Edited

He didn't take it all

 I gave it to him 

Much too fast and much too open

Attachments blinds you

Over come that

And you start to notice 

Everything that actually happened

I know I am stronger

A lot more wise

I am sure

That moving forward

Heals better than time

I gave a lot away, 

In turn for intuition

Now its time to fly

Get over this situation

Its been awhile

I apologize sincerely, I havent completed any large writing projects lately and I stopped posting my half finished ones. I keep trying to work towards something big and I, keep getting stuck. However tonight I have something to say. 

Enough about me lets talk about other things. Let me tell you about the importance and relevance of being selfish and, on the other hand, the importance and relevance or caring for your surroundings (i.e people, environment, workplace). 

Be selfish. To a point where you are doing good things for yourself and not letting anyone get to you in a negative way. Be selfish, jump at opportunities given to you as if you'll never come across anything like it again. Be selfish, submerge yourself in the people, culture and surroundings that you LOVE. Be selfish, but with rightful intentions. Be selfish enough to know when you are satisfied.

Care for your surroundings. Care for them as you wish to see your children grow. Care in the sense that, you get involved, for the right reasons. Care enough that you don't loose yourself while being selfless. Care enough, that even if something may not affect you personally, you care enough to make a positive difference for something or someone else. Care enough to know when to stop caring. Care enough to understand when its time to do something for yourself. Finally care enough to know when you are content with the outcome of your efforts. 

Thank you, feel free to share and leave a comment

xx Maddy

We All Fake It

Wanting to feel something so bad, you ignore what you actually feel. Replace it with that "I don't care" and "no don't worry it's okay". Instead of confronting and showing our real feelings, we let them boil under our skin. That's the way control them, my passionate opinion left unsaid just to be a neutral person. The calm, cool, collected girl isn't at all who I am, yes I work to come across that way. I fake emotions for the sake of others and to never show weakness. Unless someone challenges my beliefs or opinions to bother me on purpose, I just learn to adapt. 

I am a Gemini, adapting comes naturally to me but so does defending myself. 

Me, Myself and Time

I change and I grow; almost in patterns. It always starts with accepting criticism and self anger. I pick something, something that I see in others and something that I see in myself that I don't like. I slowly catch myself when I do it, perhaps its the way I judge too quickly. So slowly I work on it by making myself aware of when I do judge the most. Once fully aware, I start to change, when it comes to being judgemental, I create an open mind. Ill remind myself, everyone has a story you don't know about and everything happens for a reason. Keeping that in mind, I listen to the person and observe them much more carefully and overtime before I judge them. That helps me grow, because after I've changed one thing, Ill pick something else. Ill continue to improve, I will continue to learn and grow.

" I don't care"

who made caring look so bad in the first place. Was it all those hopeless romantic movies. Was it the fact that in Celeste and Jesse Forever there wasn't a forever? How about the end of spiderman. Sometimes I wonder if these movies reveal a truth about why people don't show they care, the fear of loss? Was it the appeal of those stone cold men and women who don't need anyone? 

It seems so much easier these days to conceal your feelings and such a stress to actually express them. I find it interesting how relieving it is to speak how you truly feel. However before the relief, for me, comes fear. Fear of hurting, angering or bothering others while expressing myself or seeming to different. I've always been different and weird and though emotional, I often held back. I thought venting and talking about my problems too much would make me seem sad and annyoing so I just dealt with stuff. 

I think being cared for and caring for someone genuinely, no matter the relationship, is a very warm and important feeling. It brings a certain security and trust to the relationship and it makes it that much stronger. There are endless ways to show someone you care and simply asking questions about ones feelings and opinions towards something makes a solid difference. Reading someone's facial expressions and acting on that not their words also shows depth to how much you care about someone. Sometimes your words contradict your body language but your body language is always right. Don't be afraid to care about someone because even if they don't want it, deep down they will appreciate it. 

Minimizing

Life has a funny way of showing you who your real friends are. I know who my real friends are and I'm lucky to have had them since I was young. However as you grow up, go to different schools, become a part of different groups, you make friends and you loose some. Loosing friends is never easy unless you accept the fact that you don't loose real friends, you're just loosing people who chose someone or something else. 

MOMENTUM - NEW

 I hope you do it on purpose, I hope you know your words of discouragement keep me determined to finish this. Every time you put this idea down, it makes me support myself. I support me, I support this dream. In reality, I am all I’ve got. I encourage myself, the letters that fill this once blank page release the pressure from my own chest. I get what you mean, I accept your opinion but really this is my thing, this is me. Low-key you inspire me, I hope you know I won’t drop this and if I do I won't expect you to catch me. Ive never been so determined, this is more than a hobby. I used to quit, walk away and try something new but this, this sticks. Writing works for me, it’s not a sport but it’s an art, it takes practice, commitment, revision, experience, point of view…it takes a heart. Ive got a voice too but not everyone can hear me.  This is what I want. I want to write, you want me to write something else. I don't know what you've got in mind but this is my perspective. This is my story, this is my life, this is my page, these are my words. I am a FreeBird, trademarked yes, but for me its deeper than the legit part of it. I write for many reasons, for me to express, for us to accept and for you to judge. Feedback is good, at least you read it. If you've got anything to say about it, at least it shows you were interested.

Tea

Its over brewed and bitter and the water got cold. The past year has been like that. Constant turmoil and I really don't think I can put up with it much longer. I put up with things most wouldn't, not because of myself but for the security and happiness of others. I am a selfless person but at a certain point I break. I "need", I "crave". 

Its bitter now, I want to drink the tea but it just doesn't taste right. I would warm up the water but that wouldn't make it any better

Fight Me

I want it to go my way, 100% . I want what I've been giving and I don't want t o fight anymore. Im not making decisions because at this point I don't know where I stand. I want it all to feel alright, either let it go or fix it to my liking. Its my turn to get what I want how I want it. 

"I got it"

I've feel really conflicted right now. It seems as though everything thats happening around me shouldn't be happening, I feel like I've completely lost control of how to handle myself and how I can handle others. I'm so used to being able to calm someone down and get them to open up and express themselves to me but Ive lost that touch and I don't know why. Right now I'm honestly just living, I'm going day by day and it feels weird. It feels weird to not have a plan. Im 100% sleep deprived but hey its summer and I'm okay with that, I'm looking for a job but not doing my best to get one, I want to see my friends and do fun things but I'm definitively not making enough time for them. I feel like I'm not involved in my own home and honest to god I need to get it together.

Thoughts of Difference

It’s the emotions I've grown accustom to over the past four years that I cannot quite explain. I am so used to pushing them aside because I don't know how to deal with them to the point where I don't think they'll ever go away.  If I had to explain it, its like a mash up of gut wrenching anxiety with a lot of frustration, a little bit of sadness and one punch of the hulks anger. Its not a common feeling but I usually know when it’s coming. I think I am generally happy but I am always searching for the greater and the better and I need to learn to just settle with myself. I appreciate what I’ve got but I also don't think theres anything wrong with searching for more. I get that indescribable uneasy feeling at times when I start to doubt things, get tired of something, want a change in my life or realize that I’ve genuinely been screwing things up. Those are the four main times I can see it coming, sometimes it just hits me like the waves at every surfers favourite beach. I think it’s just me.