Thoughts of Difference

It’s the emotions I've grown accustom to over the past four years that I cannot quite explain. I am so used to pushing them aside because I don't know how to deal with them to the point where I don't think they'll ever go away.  If I had to explain it, its like a mash up of gut wrenching anxiety with a lot of frustration, a little bit of sadness and one punch of the hulks anger. Its not a common feeling but I usually know when it’s coming. I think I am generally happy but I am always searching for the greater and the better and I need to learn to just settle with myself. I appreciate what I’ve got but I also don't think theres anything wrong with searching for more. I get that indescribable uneasy feeling at times when I start to doubt things, get tired of something, want a change in my life or realize that I’ve genuinely been screwing things up. Those are the four main times I can see it coming, sometimes it just hits me like the waves at every surfers favourite beach. I think it’s just me.