I needed to get it off my chest
“ I wont hate myself to be loved by you “ ( Johnny Falls - Hedley)
Never should you feel miserable in a relationship. Never, should whomever you're involved with make you feel unworthy, unloved, disrespected, sad, unwanted or unimportant. You should never feel like you have to suppress yourself, you're thoughts and or your opinions. If you feel as though you cannot trust the person you're with well then something needs to change. If while reading those you can relate to current situation, just a heads up you are in an unhealthy relationship. No matter how much you love or loved someone, when something is so wrong you can feel it in your bones you have to leave, its not real love. Its not a lasting, healthy, bonding love.
Dear anyone in an unhealthy/abusive relationship, although you may feel as though you are not in control, remember it is your life, you can always be in control. They don’t change, whoever is hurting you, the anger turns to embers. Whether it be physical, emotional, verbal or all of those, none of that is acceptable. You deserve to be loved, and someone who loves you will never intentionally or repetitively hurt you like that. Those embers will suddenly turn to flames. Flames of anger that engulf you, that weaken you, that scar.
Remember, you are not their therapist or caregiver, you are not their parent. Sometimes people need professional help, you cannot help them, it will only break you. When you feel out of control and/or isolated just remember, talking it people about it helps you. The more you let it out, the more confidence you will build to walk away for good, develop support. You need to think about yourself, not the other person, you cannot keep getting hurt. You have the choice to disappear.
Call for help, leave, block all contact with whomever, and move on. Heal and rebuild your confidence. You will not miss it. As much as it will hurt, think of it as a drug addict going through a withdrawal. The first part will be tempting, going back to the routine, but once you are past it, you will be better off. You will start finding such wonderful people, and start growing as a person.
Never feel like you are trapped, even if you think it is permanent, it doesn't have to be.
Feel free to contact any of us FreeBirds. Were always here.