Something Clicked


I have been fighting the feeling of tradition my entire past two years, physically moving from city to city and bouncing mentally from mind state to mind state. The world saw an exterior of pride and cockiness, which in turn was nothing more than a thin wall obstructing the vulnerability that comes with a boy becoming a man. Plagued at the time by the expectation his society imposed on him whether it sit nicely like a jacket or be embedded under my skin with a chip, I did not belong. Knowingly it cause me to drift more and more. I hated the idea of just being one thing, so how could I ever be myself? Good question but it became an unhealthy quest to the answer. I have lost zero friends in this process mind you, I found a few for sure. The feeling I adopted of self hatred on the simplest levels ate at me. The world did things to me I had not accepted mainly because I wasn't worried about me. I wanted other people to be, I wanted people to care about the things I knew where only a matter of time, trading my respect for a few minutes of attention. The ways I did that however were not conventional, remind you I hated tradition so I did not see my flaws, rather I developed an eye for those of others. Constantly comparing myself, giving some people hierarchy (sometime society does that but...) made me an outcast. But something clicked the other day, that all these years I had been found because I never doubted me they did though. They filled my brain with questions about myself, they'd yet to ask themselves. Truth is you are good enough always, your job is to believe that. When it comes to trying new stuff that scares you like it does the hardest thing you need to do is get yourself out of the way. Get your negative thought out of your head by simply asking yourself this, "What is it exactly I want?". When you ask yourself that and answer honestly you can see that most of the hard work is your brain telling your brain not to beige what people drilled into you. Here is where it becomes vital, you are not your physical more of your spiritual. And when you degrade yourself, you leave few options for the universe to give you. However, if the way you look at yourself, those around you and your potential impact on the world, something should click. Maybe not right away or maybe a year or two after the journey. What clicked what simple, I can I will and soon, I have. Believe in yourself always, accept your healthy and realistic thoughts and if those aren't the end, change them. You are the only thing standing in your way, there is a possibility for everything you believe you can do.



Andrew KrigsmanComment