Double Edged Swords

I wanted to write something like this for a while but as the title says, it's a double edged sword. When it comes to love and being a teenager, it something I think about 24/7 and no matter what I can't stop thinking about things like such. But what makes the ideas associated somewhat of a curse and a blessing is that love and relationships tend to be as fragile in the beginning as walking a tightrope. If you lean too far one way you may find yourself looking like you're desperate or "thirsty" but if you don't show any affection at all, how would you ever know where things may go? Lately, I've been able to master the art of not caring and as they unsaid manual says, that works. But as I begin to get further I think to myself what are they thinking? Could they be thinking or hoping this would turn into something? I recently stumbled upon an instagram post that showed both a boy and girl both with speech bubbles saying how they thought the other person would never talk to them. That posts got me thinking that maybe thats true. Could it be that when I look at you, you look away but when I look away to you look at me? How would someone ever know? It gets me thinking and wondering all those "what ifs" and they killed me. I think the key to preparing for a relationship of any kind is to make yourself certain that you can be just as happy alone. If one person is dependent on the happiness of the other person, it doesn't leave enough for the other person. It makes me mad when I see the people who don't deserve a good girl, with the best girls. The guys who managed to never care and in the process keep the best women. I could see when the girl knew she could do better maybe but she never had the strength to leave. The girls I like are the ones who are just as attracted to me as I am to them but those seem harder to find because I feel like when I do get attention, it's not from the person I want the most. Lately, I've realized that theres nobody that's going to be there forever. Some of the closest relationships end and I wonder why. It goes back to love being a double edged sword and when things look too good they are. When a relationship has no problems theres a lot of secrets. I like when the people who mean the most get mad at me because it shows they care but it makes me wonder when the people we talk about forever with suddenly leave. If they cared they wouldn't leave so quickly and that something I hate in others, but do the most. Relationships are more difficult nowadays because everyone knows your business and instead of one person interpretation, it becomes 5. Outside ideas and no emotional investment lead to the problem increasing. If everyone looked out for themselves it would be easy yes but then when do we step in to help someone when they can't help themselves. I started thinking maybe life isn't about running and chasing anything. It may be about making what you have already into something spectacular. It maybes and the what ifs keep me thinking. Life's a contradiction, remember that.

Andrew KrigsmanComment