Thoughts Pt. 9

 

Do you have any idea what its like to not want to get out of bed every morning, not wanting to go and deal with all the bullshit outside your bed? Do you even know what it feels like to feel completely alone while you know there are millions of other people in the world? Do you know how it feels to be completely lost in the dark and not really knowing if theres a way out? To not have the strength to feel like you can make it through the whole day, let alone the next one, without breaking down? To no be able to explain how you feel at all? To have everyone constantly asking if youre okay until it gets to the point where no one asks, making you wonder if they dont notice or just dont care? To have no energy or drive to do anything? To feel completely worthless? To hate who you are and how you look? To feel trapped inside a world full of ugly things but being scared of whats on the other side? To be hurting constantly? To know theres noone to save you from the way you feel? Sometimes i think ive become too comfortable with sadness. I wear it around my shoulders like a winter coat, to keep me warm. I am afraid to move forward. Its just i dont like depending on people because people leave me. all the time. no matter what. i wonder what its like to wake up and love yourself, to look in the mirror and not want to cry, to be with friends and not feel ugly, to go into public and not be insecure about everything, i wonder what its like to love your life. im just kinda tired, you know? i want to stop trying and not care for a few days. Im a little tired of feeling like a failure. i hate being sad. i wish i was happy.

Joey G